2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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