okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
