I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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