I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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