he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
