Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
