how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
