Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
