the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I love you.
Bad choice
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
