New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
