4 words: hood of his car
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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