I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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