i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Are these your boobs on my camera?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
