I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
