she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
