my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
