I feel great
I just peed on a car
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The Olympian is in my bed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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