the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I wear drunk well.
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