Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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