I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
