:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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