Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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