omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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