He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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