All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
