Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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