You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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