How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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