i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
