The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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