hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
