hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
