I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
