barbara walters just said penis...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
