After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
