dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
