i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
