TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
