Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
