i just wanna soil my oats bro
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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