she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
