I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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