you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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