Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
