Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
