At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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