The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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