it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
