I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
