at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
